how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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