gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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