Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
