Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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