It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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