I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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