so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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