so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I love you. Go after that dick
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
