you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
