Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
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