Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
