I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
