we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
