The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
