At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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