Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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