angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
