my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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