I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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