He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
