she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
