It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
