Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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