Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
