He is such a slut. More and more my type.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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