I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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