please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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