You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
