That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
