her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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