...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
