And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
