I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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