I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
