if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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