new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
