oh god the rape fog is back!
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
