i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
