wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
