Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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