Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
