My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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