I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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