Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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