you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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