I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
