You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
