I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
