I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
