I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
