You're earring is so big in my mouth
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
