wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
