Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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