Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
